There is a particular kind of pain in being criticised by your own mind before anyone else has spoken. You make a small mistake at work, and the thought arrives almost instantly: “Idiot. You keep getting it wrong.” You forget to reply to a message and think, “You’re...
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Why Am I So Hard on Myself?
Why Therapy Is More Than Finding the Right Label
Many people come to therapy with a question that looks something like this: “What is wrong with me?” Often underneath that question is a hope that there will be a name for what they are experiencing, and that the name will make everything make sense. Sometimes that...
Kurt Lewin, Group Dynamics and the Inner World of Trauma
Kurt Lewin and Donald Kalsched offer psychotherapists two very different ways of thinking about groups. Lewin helps us see the group as a dynamic field of forces, roles, norms, pressures and possibilities. Kalsched helps us see the inner world of trauma: the...
Kalsched, Trauma and the Inner World of Therapeutic Groups
Donald Kalsched did not write a manual for therapeutic group work. His contribution is more indirect, and perhaps more clinically interesting. His writing gives psychotherapists a way of thinking about trauma, dissociation, archetypal defence and the inner protective...
What If My Coping Strategy Used to Be Brilliant?
People often come to therapy describing their own behaviour as a problem to be fixed. “I’m too avoidant.” “I people-please too much.” “I can’t let anyone in.” “I’m always overthinking.” “I’m too controlling.” These descriptions are usually said with frustration or...
Why Do I Push Back When Someone Tries to Help? A Gentle Introduction to Transactional Analysis
Some people come to therapy because they are tired of pleasing everyone. Others come because they notice a different pattern: the moment someone advises, questions, expects, or tries to help, something in them pushes back. They may argue, withdraw, go blank, do the...
Do Neurodivergent Brains Function Differently?
It is common to hear that neurodivergent people “think differently” or that their brains are “wired differently”. Both phrases can be trying to name something real. Many autistic people, people with ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia or Tourette syndrome recognise enduring...
Why Do I Keep Pleasing People? A Gentle Introduction to Transactional Analysis
If you are just beginning therapy, some of the language can feel unfamiliar. It may sound like you are expected to understand a whole theory before you can talk about your life. You are not. Good therapy should help these ideas make sense in ordinary human terms....
Can You Break an Exam into Smaller Chunks When You Feel Anxious?
When exam anxiety rises, the difficulty is rarely only the questions on the paper. The whole occasion can arrive at once: the room, the clock, the sense of being judged, memories of previous results, worries about disappointing someone, and the frightening thought...