Many people recognise a painful pattern in their relationships: the closer someone gets, the more they want to retreat. They may long for intimacy, yet when it arrives they feel a sudden urge to pick a fault, create distance, or shut down emotionally. Afterwards, they...
Relationships
Why Do I Pull Away When I Want Connection?
Together Through Winter: Deb Coughlin’s Online Psychotherapy Group
I first met Deb Coughlin on my psychotherapy course when I was a stripling first year and Deb was preparing for graduation. This was in the context of a room of forty people. Deb’s gentle presence shone out. Now I know her to be an experienced psychotherapist and when...
Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions
Some of the most important moments in therapy do not look important at first. A slight pause before answering. A change of tone. A joke that arrives just as something painful is becoming visible. A glance away. A small apology. A moment of warmth that is quickly...
When Anger Is Trying to Protect Something Tender
Anger is often spoken about as if it is mainly a difficulty to be managed. We hear about anger management, anger issues, angry outbursts, angry people. Of course anger can become harmful. It can be used to intimidate, control, punish or avoid responsibility. When...
What Is the Overlap Between Curiosity and Attraction?
Curiosity and attraction are often seen as distinct emotional or psychological experiences. Curiosity is the drive to seek new information or experiences, while attraction refers to a pull towards someone or something. Yet, there is a fascinating overlap between the...
Navigating My Sexuality in a Straight Marriage
When I married my partner, I was deeply in love and felt certain about the life we were building together. We were what society would call a “straight couple,” and our marriage reflected that definition. Yet, as the years passed, I began to notice feelings and...
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