Have you ever agreed to something you did not want to do, then found yourself angry, avoidant, or determined not to follow through? Or perhaps you have wanted closeness but become distant as soon as another person seems to expect something from you. These shifts can...
Transactional Analysis
When the Part That Pleases Meets the Part That Pushes Back
From Protecting Yourself to Feeling More Free
Some people move through relationships with an exhausting sense that they must either fit in or fight. They may please others until they feel invisible, then pull away or push back once the pressure becomes too much. There can be little room for a simpler experience:...
The Rebellious Adaptive Child: When Saying No Has Kept You Safe
Many people know the feeling of becoming suddenly resistant when someone tells them what to do. A request that seems ordinary can produce irritation, a wish to argue, an urge to leave, or a firm internal “no”. Afterwards, they may wonder why they reacted so strongly....
The Conforming Adaptive Child: Why We Learn to Please, Fit In, and Keep the Peace
Many people come to therapy with a painful question: “Why do I keep doing what other people want, even when it costs me?” It might show up as people-pleasing, avoiding disagreement, over-apologising, freezing in the face of authority, or feeling responsible for...
Why Do I Push Back When Someone Tries to Help? A Gentle Introduction to Transactional Analysis
Some people come to therapy because they are tired of pleasing everyone. Others come because they notice a different pattern: the moment someone advises, questions, expects, or tries to help, something in them pushes back. They may argue, withdraw, go blank, do the...
Why Do I Keep Pleasing People? A Gentle Introduction to Transactional Analysis
If you are just beginning therapy, some of the language can feel unfamiliar. It may sound like you are expected to understand a whole theory before you can talk about your life. You are not. Good therapy should help these ideas make sense in ordinary human terms....
Polyamory in the Therapeutic Space
Holding Multiple Realities A client sits across from you and says, almost in passing, “my partners and I have been talking about…” She does not pause at the plural. She does not look up to check your face. The sentence just continues, because for her this is simply...
Being in the “I’m OK, You’re OK” Life Position When In-Laws Sabotage Gifts
Introduction This Christmas, a friend made a lovely gift for her son-in-law. When he showed it to his parents they deliberately broke it. Now, Christmas gatherings can often amplify long-standing relational patterns. When in-laws deliberately damage or sabotage a gift...
Understanding Ware’s Sequence in Transactional Analysis
Ware’s Sequence is a well-established concept within Transactional Analysis (TA) that explains how individuals move through ego states in predictable ways when stress, conflict, or relational pressure builds. Originally described by Paul Ware in the early 1980s, it...
To view the full article, just click on the article title (in dark blue.)