Richard Erskine’s eight relational needs offer language for some of the things people may seek, and struggle to seek, in close relationships: security, valuing, acceptance, mutuality, self-definition, making an impact, having the other initiate, and being able to...
Psychotherapy
Was Richard Erskine an Octopus?
When – Do You Feel Safe? – Doesn’t Quite Work
There are certain questions that seem so ordinary in therapy that they can easily pass unnoticed. “Do you feel safe?” is one of them. It is usually offered with care, sometimes gently, sometimes almost in passing. And for many people, it works well enough. But for...
The Three Pillars of Gestalt: Phenomenology, Field Theory and Dialogue
Gestalt therapy is often introduced through three closely connected foundations: phenomenology, field theory and dialogue. They are sometimes called its three pillars, though they are not three separate techniques to be applied in sequence. Together, they shape how a...
Why Do I Pull Away When I Want Connection?
Many people recognise a painful pattern in their relationships: the closer someone gets, the more they want to retreat. They may long for intimacy, yet when it arrives they feel a sudden urge to pick a fault, create distance, or shut down emotionally. Afterwards, they...
Standing on the Edge of the World: a bold, relational account of trauma
Standing on the Edge of the World: a bold, relational account of trauma John Gillespie’s latest book asks what changes when trauma is understood not as a private defect, but as a breakdown in our shared capacity to make a world together. Editorial scope: This is a...
Why Self-Care Can Feel Like Another Thing to Fail At?
Self-care has become a familiar concept. People are told to rest, exercise, eat well, set boundaries, take breaks, and be kinder to themselves. For some people, this advice is useful and actionable. For many others, it lands as another item on an already long list of...
Together Through Winter: Deb Coughlin’s Online Psychotherapy Group
I first met Deb Coughlin on my psychotherapy course when I was a stripling first year and Deb was preparing for graduation. This was in the context of a room of forty people. Deb’s gentle presence shone out. Now I know her to be an experienced psychotherapist and when...
Petruska Clarkson was a Mouse!
Petruska Clarkson’s account of the therapeutic relationship is serious, useful and far more nuanced than this poem has any right to be. Her five relationship modalities offer a way of noticing the different kinds of connection that can arise in therapy: the shared...
Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions
Some of the most important moments in therapy do not look important at first. A slight pause before answering. A change of tone. A joke that arrives just as something painful is becoming visible. A glance away. A small apology. A moment of warmth that is quickly...
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