There are certain questions that seem so ordinary in therapy that they can easily pass unnoticed. “Do you feel safe?” is one of them. It is usually offered with care, sometimes gently, sometimes almost in passing. And for many people, it works well enough. But for...
John Dray
When – Do You Feel Safe? – Doesn’t Quite Work
The Three Pillars of Gestalt: Phenomenology, Field Theory and Dialogue
Gestalt therapy is often introduced through three closely connected foundations: phenomenology, field theory and dialogue. They are sometimes called its three pillars, though they are not three separate techniques to be applied in sequence. Together, they shape how a...
Choosing a Website Developer: A Calm Guide for Psychotherapists
Choosing somebody to build your website can feel oddly exposing. You may be presented with lots of confusing terms before you have had a chance to say what you actually want your practice to feel like. You know those really helpful breathing exercises you know…...
Why Do I Pull Away When I Want Connection?
Many people recognise a painful pattern in their relationships: the closer someone gets, the more they want to retreat. They may long for intimacy, yet when it arrives they feel a sudden urge to pick a fault, create distance, or shut down emotionally. Afterwards, they...
Standing on the Edge of the World: a bold, relational account of trauma
Standing on the Edge of the World: a bold, relational account of trauma John Gillespie’s latest book asks what changes when trauma is understood not as a private defect, but as a breakdown in our shared capacity to make a world together. Editorial scope: This is a...
Why Self-Care Can Feel Like Another Thing to Fail At?
Self-care has become a familiar concept. People are told to rest, exercise, eat well, set boundaries, take breaks, and be kinder to themselves. For some people, this advice is useful and actionable. For many others, it lands as another item on an already long list of...
Open Hearted Parenting: A Group for Parents and Carers of LGBTQ+ Young People
When a young person comes out, begins exploring their gender or sexuality, or asks to be known differently, parents and carers can feel many things at once. There may be love, pride and relief. There may also be worry, protectiveness, uncertainty, grief for an...
Together Through Winter: Deb Coughlin’s Online Psychotherapy Group
I first met Deb Coughlin on my psychotherapy course when I was a stripling first year and Deb was preparing for graduation. This was in the context of a room of forty people. Deb’s gentle presence shone out. Now I know her to be an experienced psychotherapist and when...
When the Part That Pleases Meets the Part That Pushes Back
Have you ever agreed to something you did not want to do, then found yourself angry, avoidant, or determined not to follow through? Or perhaps you have wanted closeness but become distant as soon as another person seems to expect something from you. These shifts can...
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