Understanding Domestic Abuse: The Three-Planet Model
I have encountered numerous cases where domestic abuse is misunderstood, not only by those directly involved but also by the systems designed to help. To bridge this gap in understanding, I often refer to what is known as the “Three-Planet Model of Domestic Abuse.” This model offers a way to conceptualise the stark differences in perspective between the abuser, the victim, and society at large, including the legal and social support systems.
The Perpetrator’s Planet
From the abuser’s perspective, which I refer to as the “Perpetrator’s Planet,” there is often a profound sense of entitlement and justification for their actions. Many abusers believe that their behaviour is either acceptable or that they are somehow compelled to act in this way due to external circumstances or the victim’s behaviour. On this ‘planet,’ the primary focus is on maintaining control and power. This often manifests through manipulation, intimidation, and various forms of violence. The abuser may genuinely believe that their actions are justified, and they frequently blame the victim or external factors for their behaviour.
The Victim’s Planet
On the “Victim’s Planet,” the experience is vastly different. Victims often live in a state of fear, confusion, and entrapment. The complex dynamics of love, fear, and hope make it difficult for them to recognise the abuse or seek help. On this ‘planet,’ emotions are a tangled web of fear, shame, guilt, and sometimes a desperate hope that things will improve. Victims may feel isolated and unsupported, fearing retaliation if they reach out for help or believing that no one will believe them or be able to assist effectively.
The Society/System’s Planet
The third ‘planet’ is that of society and the various systems designed to protect and support individuals—what I call the “Society/System’s Planet.” Here, the focus is often on legal definitions, evidence, and procedures. Unfortunately, this ‘planet’ frequently lacks an understanding of the nuanced experiences of victims. There is often a disconnect between the legal or social service perspective and the lived reality of those experiencing abuse. This can lead to inadequate responses, victim-blaming, or failure to hold the perpetrator accountable in a meaningful way.
Bridging the Planets
The Three-Planet Model of Domestic Abuse serves as a vital tool in my practice, helping clients and professionals alike to recognise and address the gaps in understanding between these different perspectives. By acknowledging the existence of these ‘planets,’ we can work more effectively towards bridging these gaps. This not only aids in providing better support for victims but also enhances the chances of holding perpetrators accountable and improving overall societal responses to domestic abuse.
In my work, I strive to help clients navigate the complexities of their experiences, offering them the support and understanding they need to break free from the cycle of abuse. Understanding the Three-Planet Model is a crucial step in this process, fostering empathy and informed action from everyone involved. Often just exploring these three very different perspectives help victims understand that someone is ‘with’ them.