Introduction
I recently went on an Internal Family Systems (IFS). So that I have an easy reference, I am writing a few articles around what I learned. IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz and is a psychotherapeutic model grounded in the belief that the mind is naturally multiple. In IFS, the psyche is understood as a system of ‘parts’—subpersonalities that each hold emotions, roles, and beliefs. The healing journey involves building relationships with these parts through the Self, a core of calm, compassionate presence.
At the heart of the IFS model lies a gentle, structured process often described through the Six F’s. These steps help therapists and clients build respectful, healing relationships with parts. Let’s explore each one.
The Six F’s of IFS Therapy
1. Find
This first step involves identifying a part that is active in the client’s internal system. It may show up as a feeling, thought, body sensation, or behaviour. The goal is not to analyse or interpret the part but to notice it.
Example: A client may notice an anxious part that gets activated before public speaking.
2. Focus
Once the part is found, the therapist invites the client to focus attention on it with curiosity and openness. This involves locating the part in or around the body and staying with it in a mindful, non-judgemental way.
Example: The anxious part might be felt as a tightness in the chest.
3. Flesh Out
Here, the client explores the characteristics of the part in greater detail—its age, shape, energy, voice, emotions, and beliefs. This process brings richness and dimensionality to the inner experience.
Example: The anxious part may appear as a worried child trying to keep the client safe.
4. Feel Toward
The therapist asks, “How do you feel toward this part?” This question helps identify whether the client’s core Self is available. A response of curiosity, compassion, or calmness suggests the Self is present. If not, another part may need attention first.
Example: If the client feels annoyed at the anxious part, another protector might be stepping in.
5. beFriend
Once there is access to the Self, the client is invited to befriend the part—acknowledging its intentions, validating its concerns, and offering appreciation for its efforts to help.
Example: The client thanks the anxious part for trying to protect them from embarrassment.
6. Fear
Finally, the client asks the part what it is afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job. This question often reveals deeper motivations, hidden burdens, or earlier trauma that the part is protecting against.
Example: The anxious part might fear the client would be humiliated, just like in a childhood experience.
Why These Steps Matter
The Six F’s are not a rigid sequence but a fluid, relational process. They support clients in developing compassion for their inner world, de-pathologising protective strategies, and accessing the healing presence of the Self. This builds trust and creates the conditions for parts to release extreme roles and unburden past pain.
Applications in Therapy
IFS is widely used for:
– Complex trauma
– Anxiety and depression
– Shame and internal criticism
– Addictive behaviours
– Identity and self-worth issues
It’s particularly effective because it honours the wisdom and purpose of all parts—even those that seem destructive or stuck.
Conclusion
The Six F’s of IFS therapy offer a simple yet profound roadmap for relational healing. By cultivating curiosity, compassion, and connection with inner parts, clients are empowered to heal internal conflict and rediscover their wholeness.
References
- Schwartz, R. C. (2001). Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model. Trailheads Publications. ISBN: 0972148000.
- Anderson, F. S., Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2017). Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual. PESI Publishing.
- Sweezy, M., & Ziskind, E. L. (Eds.). (2013). Internal Family Systems Therapy: New Dimensions. Routledge.