I’m Dead. Now What?
This isn’t about what happens to us after we die. That great mystery is, as yet, unknown. This is about what we leave behind for our loved ones.
Are they left to deal with a mountain of paperwork and questions, along with their grief?
Or can they take a deep breath, and begin the process of ‘sadmin’ (as death administration is commonly called), with a sense of direction?
Around 80% of people think it’s a good idea to put end-of-life wishes in writing, but under 25% actually do so. There’s still a reluctance in Western society to talk about death and its aftermath, as if thinking about death may precipitate it.
Putting together an end-of-life plan will save heartache, anxiety, arguments, and hassle. It will also save time and money spent on lawyers.
The best way to approach a plan is not to think ahead to what happens years or decades from now, but to phrase it differently:
If I had died yesterday, what would I want to be in place?
Here are the main categories to consider:
Family, Friends, and Personal Information
This covers things like your name, address, email addresses, telephone number, National Insurance Number, NHS Number, name and contact information of GP, and names and contact information for close family members. Also, if you do have a will, name your executor, the lawyer who drafted the will, and where to find the hard copy and/or electronic copy in your house.
One of the biggest things here is passwords to get into your computer, your phone, and other electronic devices. In the 21st century, most information is online, and without access to your computer and its documents, getting anything done will be very difficult.
Other personal information includes your passport and driving licence numbers, dates of marriages and divorces, membership of professional organisations, and crucial information regarding your pets and their needs: food, medicine, vet information etc.
Household Information
Things that you may know like the back of your hand but others may not, include the location of car keys and other car information, operation of devices such as the washing machine, dishwasher, TV and satellite/cable, and passwords for your wi-fi, Netflix and other online streaming services.
If you have contractors such as plumbers, electricians, window cleaners, house cleaners, and garden maintenance people, write down their contact information. Also note your utility providers: electricity, gas, water, rubbish collection, etc.
Legal Documents
Hopefully you have a will. If not, this is crucially important. Your will determines where your assets go, who takes care of young children, and more. In addition, you will need a Power of Attorney document to allow a trusted person to take control of financial matters and legal matters if you become incapacitated in some way before you die.
Financial Information
It’s likely that all your bank accounts, pension funds, insurance documentation, and credit card information will be online. Ensure you leave information on how to access each of these. Accounts need to be shut down, subscriptions need to be cancelled, and utility bills stopped.
After Death
Do you want to be buried? Cremated? Have a natural burial? Donate your body to science? Do you want a coffin? If so, what kind of coffin? What would you like to be dressed in? These are all details that really help if you’ve written them down.
Do you want a funeral? Who would you like there? Would you prefer no funeral but for loved ones to have a party to celebrate your life?
Then there’s your digital legacy. Most of us have an online footprint on social media and have profiles in various places. Nominate someone to deal with your online presence. The same goes for shutting down accounts on shopping websites like Amazon, and if you have your own website, dealing with that too.
PHEW!
This is just the start. There are organisations and people who can help you plan if you don’t want to do it alone.
The most important thing is to make a start. And the best time to start is now.
If you have any questions, or would like to chat about end-of-life plans, email me at sally@sallyeastwoodpsychotherapy.com